“If sobbing could kill someone, I would’ve died on the bathroom floor of a stranger’s farmhouse that night. I couldn’t breathe. So much fog.”
The Death Tsunami
Cross Over Jordan Publishing 2023
No one likes to be watched when they cry. When Death comes so close that we can almost touch it, the natural response is weeping. Losing someone we love is always devastating. After I lost my husband, crying while functioning became part of my process. I just had to keep going on with life, though my eyes betrayed me with tears at the drop of a hat.
Maybe you have experienced devastation or trauma that has caused a season of weeping in your life. Often we are embarrassed to cry in front of others. Crying is vulnerable. Crying shows a weakness. Or does it? Maybe crying shows a strength in you that you didn’t know you had. Here are three ways to cry and keep going.
- If you are in a meeting, excuse yourself if you even think you may cry, and go to a quiet place. Allow yourself the time to get it out of your system before you go back to your meeting. This will give you the ability to cry and continue working.
- If you are in a meeting with team members that you work with regularly, they may more tolerant to working alongside you while you cry, even during a meeting. Alert them at the beginning of the meeting of your vulnerable position and that you are processing, but continuing your life.
- Out with friends:
- Most likely your friends already know that you have faced a sad or difficult time, however, that doesn’t mean they will be comfortable with you expressing it, especially if it is at a party or a dinner. Let your friends know that even if you are crying that you are OK and they can continue to have a good time.
- It may be best to avoid places that you went during the marriage if you are facing widowhood. If your friends are planning to go to a place you frequented with your spouse, let them know that there is a possibility that you will be processing during your time there. Ask them if your processing will be a problem, if it is, ask to go somewhere else.
- At family functions:
- Sometimes consoling isn’t welcome when we are having to function through tears. If you are at a family function and feeling weepy, ask the person that you are closest with to be the buffer between you and the rest of the family. This person will protect you from being bombarded with a bunch of well meaning, but uninvited consolers.
- You may attend a family function for your loved one who passed away. If this is the case, try to spend a little time before you enter the event to process raw emotions. If you find that being with his/her family is more painful than you anticipated, set boundaries around how long you can attend. Let the family know that you appreciate being with them, but that it is painful, and you need a little more time to get comfortable with the idea of being there alone.