Why Do We Lie to Ourselves?

Have you found yourself cheerleading people that don’t care about you, what you think, or how you feel? I am a perpetual cheerleader for others, and I bet you are too. I have cheered people on that literally didn’t like me at all, and I had no idea they felt that way. Why didn’t I know? Because I lie to myself. I don’t look at the full picture of the relationship, but often just look at what I want to see. I have lied to myself more times than I can count. Are you lying to yourself about the relationships around you?

Some people have no character to stand on, but we will cheerlead them anyway. We hope that they will just see life the way we see it. It has left us wanting and feeling betrayed by more relationships than we can count. But not anymore! Learning to be honest with ourselves about ourselves and others will help us no longer desire to pour energy into relationships that aren’t worth it. Maybe you have found yourself in more situations than you can count that leave you feeling disappointed. Let’s look at 3 reasons we lie to ourselves.

REASON 1: To feel better about ourselves

We often lie to ourselves about ourselves because we want to think we are “good people.” However, we are not always awesome. Sometimes we do things that hurt others. It is important that we acknowledge our own flaws so that we can change. The more honest and real we are with ourselves about our thinking patterns, behaviors and motives, the more we control our narrative. 

REASON 2: To self deprecate 

We will lie to ourselves to tear ourselves down with self deprecation. We think this is humility, but it is not. It is a lie. We will say things like: “Nobody wants me!” or “I am so ugly” or “I am just stupid.” However, all of those are lies. When we say things to ourselves over and over that aren’t true, we will create unnecessary chaos in our hearts and minds. This prevents us from having genuine relationships with others. 

Sometimes we use self depreciation as a manipulation tool in our relationships. We think breaking ourselves down will help the other person to think differently about us. Usually, it just creates issues with the other person.

REASON 3: About others

Sometimes people do not have your best in mind. Their actions and behaviors do not align with care for you. We cannot lie to ourselves thinking that we aren’t seeing/hearing what is actually happening. If someone is being mean to you or tearing you down, it is real and needs to be addressed. You may need to dissolve the relationship. 

Being honest with ourselves is the beginning of being able to set healthy boundaries. We need to let the truth of ourselves and others be recognized. Honesty is always the best practice for healthy relationships.