All of us that have grown up with a Cinderella mentality struggle when the Prince doesn’t come and rescue us. We meet the man of our dreams and soon he becomes the man of our nightmares. We feel angry because he doesn’t cater the way we think he should or he doesn’t seem to care what we think or feel at all. So we label him as toxic and are told by article after article that we should get rid of him and find someone who will make us happy.
Here’s my challenge. Are you the dragon or the princess? Because he knows to fight the dragon and indeed, he will always fight the dragon, even if it is dressed up as his wife. I am going to share 5 ways you look more like a dragon than a princess.
DRAGON BEHAVIOR 1: You forget that he is fighting his own battles everyday.
Men tend to not share their emotions the same way that we do. They often do not pour out every emotion that they have and mull over them. Yet, they indeed have real emotions and situations they face daily. Make sure that you are supporting him in his daily battles as well. Take the time to listen, listen, and listen. That means quit talking ladies!! Give him the chance to express what is on his mind.
DRAGON BEHAVIOR 2: You complain incessantly
Men cannot handle us having so much to say most of the time. If you catch yourself repeating the same things over and over, he isn’t listening. It isn’t working. Repeating yourself will not change his response. What will? Being quiet!
You may be asking how that will help? Well, if repetition isn’t working, try something else. He already knows. He is just choosing to ignore you because he is fighting the dragon of your nagging and complaining. Try complimenting him instead. Maybe encourage him by cheerleading him and acknowledging the things he does do well.
This cannot be a form of manipulation, it must be genuine. If you just try it to see if he responds, he will most likely see through your ploy and stand steady. Take the time to notice your behaviors so that you can have a true heart change.
DRAGON BEHAVIOR 3: You expect more than he can do
He isn’t your dad. It hasn’t ever been your husband’s role to make everything super cushy for you. You both are working together to build your life together. He doesn’t have 30 years of working ahead of you to have created that comfort. Give him a break!
If you have wants that are not needs, then make a list for him to check off for gifts. If you have primary needs like food, shelter or clothing, then you need to work too. There are so many opportunities today that women never had before about 100 years ago. You should be in the game with your husband.
DRAGON BEHAVIOR 4: You are mean
Women have a cultural concept that being mean equals tough. Tough and mean are not synonymous with each other. When we are mean to our husbands, we treat them with abuse. A woman can play mind games indefinitely and men cannot handle it. When we do that to a man, it is the equivalent of them hitting us.
Men steal everything soft from a woman when a one is violent with her and women steal strength from men when they are mean. If you remain being mean to your man in hopes that you will win, you have bought the cultural lie.
Men want their woman to be kind and a soft place to land. It takes a lot of self reflection to heal the hurt areas that can be the root cause of meanness. Many times, our husband isn’t the original cause of the meanness, but self protection from a past hurt that they may have triggered, even unknowingly.
DRAGON BEHAVIOR 5: You use sex as a manipulation or weapon
Sex is a primal need and God designed for marriage. When you withhold sex from your husband to manipulate or as a way of getting what you want, you are damaging your marriage and your man. Once we are married, our spouse is the only place that we can satisfy our need for sex. It is very important to give that as freely as possible.
Men tend to desire sex more than women, though that is not always the case. You can work with your husband to find a balance for the both of you. Quickies are a great way to help you both out. He gets what he needs and you don’t have to commit a ton of time to it.
Leaving your husband feeling vulnerable is dangerous ground for him and you are the only person that he can come to for this need.
If you find that you look more like the dragon than the princess, this could be a reason that your marriage isn’t satisfying. You may need counseling to help you heal some areas to move into a better place. Self reflection is the beginning of unwrapping your hair Rapunzel. He wants to be your hero!